Saturday, August 2, 2008
Danielle Steel's 'Daddy'
Oliver Watson has the ideal life - three kids, a dog, great job, gorgeous house in the Chicago suburbs, and a loving wife. Oh wait, about that last part.
It's date night, but Sarah Watson has something on her mind. "Have you ever been sorry we got married, Oliver? Me, the bohemian protestor?"
Perhaps Oliver should've stayed away from this chick's flower because it turns out she totally resents Oliver for knocking her up and making her throw away her dreams for a life of carpools and diapers, so she's going to leave the family for two years to earn a writing degree at the University of Michigan.
"Sarah, why can't you just go to the University of Chicago?"
"That would fuck up the plot of this melodramatic soap opera, silly!"
Sarah's not quite so whimsical when the couple arrives home and Oliver begs her not to leave. "WHEN DO I GET MINE?!" she demands.
Not just yet. Sarah wants her kids to have a happy Christmas before she crushes them ...
Oliver tries to woo her with a fancy leather backpack and a massive emerald ring, but that just elicits a cold, hard stare from Sarah.
Meanwhile, the candles are barely blown out from Christmas dinner before Sarah drops her bombshell. The kids, who include a young Ben Affleck as Ben, Rilo Kiley's Jenny Lewis as Melissa and Matthew Lawrence as Sam, are predictably peeved. She makes Matthew Lawrence whimper, for God's sake.
Later, Oliver tries to wow Sarah with his sexual dynamism. She's unimpressed and goes to sleep on the couch. When Oliver tries to stop her, she moves to slap him, but he catches her hand mid-strike. This is apparently more what she had in mind because before you can say "sexual dysfunctional" these two are going at it one.last.time.
Alas, Oliver's midwestern bedroom stylings aren't enough to keep Sarah from leaving, and so she packs up the Volvo and heads to Ann Arbor. "I guess forever just isnt as long as it used to go," a wistful Oliver says in a voiceover as little Sam screams for his mother.
Ben's licking his wounds by hanging around with the school tramp, Bobbi. We know she's a tramp because she lives in an apartment and her mom works nights at a diner. Whore! That's apparently a-ok with Ben, who happily takes off his varsity letter jacket for a little quality time between the sheets.
Sarah has promised to come home on weekends, but it appears that she's not really up for that. The kids act out by staying out late and Oliver has to lay down the law and give a nice little "not under my roof" type of speech to an angry Ben. "Since when are we a family, anyway?" Ben sputters. "Since the day you were born and until the day I die," Oliver responds, with a totally straight face.
Sarah and her mom jeans finally agree to see her children after Oliver's Alzheimer's mother gets hit by a bus.
"Oh Oliver, I didn't think you'd come with them!"
Sarah suggests that Oliver look for a hotel, bristles when he tells her he still loves her, and returns the emerald ring. Burn!
Oliver: You're my wife, and a mother.
Sarah: And a woman.
Oliver: And not a whore!
You know where there are a lot of whores, though? Los Angeles, and that's where Oliver's office ends up transferring him. It doesn't look like Ben's going with them, though, because he went and knocked up Bobbi. Whoopsies.
"She's a dropout; she comes from a broken home," Oliver says when trying to convince Ben that Bobbi is a loser. The fact that his own son is also from a broken home is apparently completely lost on Oliver. Daddy offers to pay for an abortion and suggests sending Bobbi "to a home" to have the kid when Ben refuses. No such luck. Ben wants to "do the right thing," ditch Princeton and play house with Bobbi. He doesn't want to be like Oliver, damnit! "You think i'm blind? That you forced mom to be a wife to man she never even loved?" Ben screams - again, the fact that he's doing the same to Bobbi also completely lost on Ben.
Oliver has had just about enough of Ben's shenanigans and lets his son know with a nice slap to the face.
This father-son bonding moment is interuppted by a call from Oliver's father - they want to take his Alzheimer's bus crash mom off life support.
Grandma dies, and little Sam has a nice ugly cry at the funeral.
Always tactful, Sarah shows up and tells Oliver that a) she wants a divorce and b) there's someone else. "I may be stupid but I'm not a fool," Oliver responds.
Melissa and Sam are cool with LA, so Oliver packs up the family and heads to the city of angels -- but not before Bobbi gives birth to Alex and Oliver's dad announces that he's going to marry his friend Maggie. Drama!
Oliver spends Thanksgiving with the kids in LA and Melissa apparently learned about tact from her mom because she encourages Oliver to come with them to Ann Arbor for Christmas because "Mom just broke up with her boyfriend and she's feeling kind of a down." Oliver resists throwing his mashed potatoes at her, and politely declines.
Instead, he spends Christmas with Wonder Woman, aka Charlotte Sampson. Oliver's company is putting together the ad campaign for some designer imposter-esque perfume being hawked by TV star Charlotte, and Oliver is charmed by her big hair and cherry earrings (subtle).
After a romantic dinner, Charlotte invites Oliver over for Christmas, where he gives her a bracelet. Charlotte didn't get anything for Oliver, so the next day (separate beds, of course. It's Jesus' birthday, for Christ's sake) she packages up her grandfather's pocket watch and pawns it off on Oliver. He's actually thrilled -- and even more thrilled when part 2 of the gift involves Charlotte getting naked.
Sexy times are interuppted by a frantic call from Ben. Bobbi has taken the kid! Oliver hands over a little hush money to whore and her mom and Ben and Alex come out to LA.
It's award seasons time and Charlotte stuffs the girls into a little red number
But it's worth it! Oliver totally proposes!
"Oh yes Oliver, I'll have you, because with you I realized for the first time, I am truly in love!"
"And Charlotte, for the last time, I've fallen in love."
Aw, isn't that sickening?
Goddamn stupid Ben and his retarded infant ruin everything AGAIN though. Oliver barely has time to cop a feel with his new fiancee before Ben knocks on the door and says that Bobbi has taken baby Alex to Hawaii and wants money. Oliver offers to pay her off, but Ben decides to man up and fight for full custody. There's some sappy scene in an office with a no-nonsense judge ...
... where Ben regurgitates his dad's lines ("I've been Alex's dad since the day he was born and I'll be his father until the day I die," he says as Oliver smirks). The judge is charmed and Ben gets Alex.
Yay! Everyone's perfect! Role credits?
Nope. After Ben's victory party, Oliver takes Charlotte home, where she tells him that she's been offered to lead in a Broadway play. Charlotte offers to commute, but Oliver is having none of that. I don't want you to resent me like Sarah resented me, he says. Naturally, the best course of action is to break up, so he storms off while Wonder Woman wails, "Oliver!"
Leave it to grandpa to set the record straight. He tells Oliver he's being an idiot and gives a "it's better to have loved and lost" speech. An eavesdropping Ben decides to visit Charlotte on set to convince her to give her father another chance. "He's just stubborn; all us Watson men are," he tells her. Conveniently enough, the play Charlotte was going to star in on Broadway was altered in such a way that she didn't feel like it was really for her anymore, so she's staying in California after all. Yay!
Charlotte shows up at Alex's christening, the duo tell each other they love each other and it's family picture time on the steps of the church as Oliver's voiceover intones, "Of all the jobs I've ever had, it's being a father that has given me the most joy." *Crocodile tears*
Then they crank call Sarah and give the baby some booze. Ok, that last part didn't happen, but a girl can dream, right?
-Callie Cain ¶ 5:05 PM
Oliver Watson has the ideal life - three kids, a dog, great job, gorgeous house in the Chicago suburbs, and a loving wife. Oh wait, about that last part.
It's date night, but Sarah Watson has something on her mind. "Have you ever been sorry we got married, Oliver? Me, the bohemian protestor?"
Perhaps Oliver should've stayed away from this chick's flower because it turns out she totally resents Oliver for knocking her up and making her throw away her dreams for a life of carpools and diapers, so she's going to leave the family for two years to earn a writing degree at the University of Michigan.
"Sarah, why can't you just go to the University of Chicago?"
"That would fuck up the plot of this melodramatic soap opera, silly!"
Sarah's not quite so whimsical when the couple arrives home and Oliver begs her not to leave. "WHEN DO I GET MINE?!" she demands.
Not just yet. Sarah wants her kids to have a happy Christmas before she crushes them ...
Oliver tries to woo her with a fancy leather backpack and a massive emerald ring, but that just elicits a cold, hard stare from Sarah.
Meanwhile, the candles are barely blown out from Christmas dinner before Sarah drops her bombshell. The kids, who include a young Ben Affleck as Ben, Rilo Kiley's Jenny Lewis as Melissa and Matthew Lawrence as Sam, are predictably peeved. She makes Matthew Lawrence whimper, for God's sake.
Later, Oliver tries to wow Sarah with his sexual dynamism. She's unimpressed and goes to sleep on the couch. When Oliver tries to stop her, she moves to slap him, but he catches her hand mid-strike. This is apparently more what she had in mind because before you can say "sexual dysfunctional" these two are going at it one.last.time.
Alas, Oliver's midwestern bedroom stylings aren't enough to keep Sarah from leaving, and so she packs up the Volvo and heads to Ann Arbor. "I guess forever just isnt as long as it used to go," a wistful Oliver says in a voiceover as little Sam screams for his mother.
Ben's licking his wounds by hanging around with the school tramp, Bobbi. We know she's a tramp because she lives in an apartment and her mom works nights at a diner. Whore! That's apparently a-ok with Ben, who happily takes off his varsity letter jacket for a little quality time between the sheets.
Sarah has promised to come home on weekends, but it appears that she's not really up for that. The kids act out by staying out late and Oliver has to lay down the law and give a nice little "not under my roof" type of speech to an angry Ben. "Since when are we a family, anyway?" Ben sputters. "Since the day you were born and until the day I die," Oliver responds, with a totally straight face.
Sarah and her mom jeans finally agree to see her children after Oliver's Alzheimer's mother gets hit by a bus.
"Oh Oliver, I didn't think you'd come with them!"
Sarah suggests that Oliver look for a hotel, bristles when he tells her he still loves her, and returns the emerald ring. Burn!
Oliver: You're my wife, and a mother.
Sarah: And a woman.
Oliver: And not a whore!
You know where there are a lot of whores, though? Los Angeles, and that's where Oliver's office ends up transferring him. It doesn't look like Ben's going with them, though, because he went and knocked up Bobbi. Whoopsies.
"She's a dropout; she comes from a broken home," Oliver says when trying to convince Ben that Bobbi is a loser. The fact that his own son is also from a broken home is apparently completely lost on Oliver. Daddy offers to pay for an abortion and suggests sending Bobbi "to a home" to have the kid when Ben refuses. No such luck. Ben wants to "do the right thing," ditch Princeton and play house with Bobbi. He doesn't want to be like Oliver, damnit! "You think i'm blind? That you forced mom to be a wife to man she never even loved?" Ben screams - again, the fact that he's doing the same to Bobbi also completely lost on Ben.
Oliver has had just about enough of Ben's shenanigans and lets his son know with a nice slap to the face.
This father-son bonding moment is interuppted by a call from Oliver's father - they want to take his Alzheimer's bus crash mom off life support.
Grandma dies, and little Sam has a nice ugly cry at the funeral.
Always tactful, Sarah shows up and tells Oliver that a) she wants a divorce and b) there's someone else. "I may be stupid but I'm not a fool," Oliver responds.
Melissa and Sam are cool with LA, so Oliver packs up the family and heads to the city of angels -- but not before Bobbi gives birth to Alex and Oliver's dad announces that he's going to marry his friend Maggie. Drama!
Oliver spends Thanksgiving with the kids in LA and Melissa apparently learned about tact from her mom because she encourages Oliver to come with them to Ann Arbor for Christmas because "Mom just broke up with her boyfriend and she's feeling kind of a down." Oliver resists throwing his mashed potatoes at her, and politely declines.
Instead, he spends Christmas with Wonder Woman, aka Charlotte Sampson. Oliver's company is putting together the ad campaign for some designer imposter-esque perfume being hawked by TV star Charlotte, and Oliver is charmed by her big hair and cherry earrings (subtle).
After a romantic dinner, Charlotte invites Oliver over for Christmas, where he gives her a bracelet. Charlotte didn't get anything for Oliver, so the next day (separate beds, of course. It's Jesus' birthday, for Christ's sake) she packages up her grandfather's pocket watch and pawns it off on Oliver. He's actually thrilled -- and even more thrilled when part 2 of the gift involves Charlotte getting naked.
Sexy times are interuppted by a frantic call from Ben. Bobbi has taken the kid! Oliver hands over a little hush money to whore and her mom and Ben and Alex come out to LA.
It's award seasons time and Charlotte stuffs the girls into a little red number
But it's worth it! Oliver totally proposes!
"Oh yes Oliver, I'll have you, because with you I realized for the first time, I am truly in love!"
"And Charlotte, for the last time, I've fallen in love."
Aw, isn't that sickening?
Goddamn stupid Ben and his retarded infant ruin everything AGAIN though. Oliver barely has time to cop a feel with his new fiancee before Ben knocks on the door and says that Bobbi has taken baby Alex to Hawaii and wants money. Oliver offers to pay her off, but Ben decides to man up and fight for full custody. There's some sappy scene in an office with a no-nonsense judge ...
... where Ben regurgitates his dad's lines ("I've been Alex's dad since the day he was born and I'll be his father until the day I die," he says as Oliver smirks). The judge is charmed and Ben gets Alex.
Yay! Everyone's perfect! Role credits?
Nope. After Ben's victory party, Oliver takes Charlotte home, where she tells him that she's been offered to lead in a Broadway play. Charlotte offers to commute, but Oliver is having none of that. I don't want you to resent me like Sarah resented me, he says. Naturally, the best course of action is to break up, so he storms off while Wonder Woman wails, "Oliver!"
Leave it to grandpa to set the record straight. He tells Oliver he's being an idiot and gives a "it's better to have loved and lost" speech. An eavesdropping Ben decides to visit Charlotte on set to convince her to give her father another chance. "He's just stubborn; all us Watson men are," he tells her. Conveniently enough, the play Charlotte was going to star in on Broadway was altered in such a way that she didn't feel like it was really for her anymore, so she's staying in California after all. Yay!
Charlotte shows up at Alex's christening, the duo tell each other they love each other and it's family picture time on the steps of the church as Oliver's voiceover intones, "Of all the jobs I've ever had, it's being a father that has given me the most joy." *Crocodile tears*
Then they crank call Sarah and give the baby some booze. Ok, that last part didn't happen, but a girl can dream, right?
-Callie Cain ¶ 5:05 PM